Did you quit your full-time job in order to pursue a dream of indentured servitude — or even slavery?
Would-be entrepreneurs always think life will be better without a boss or a 9-to-5 schedule. We plan to work on our own time, set our own priorities, and pursue the projects we’re passionate about.
And then one day it hits you: “I’m working from 5 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., my weekends are non-existent, I never see the people I love, and I’ve gained 2 inches around the middle.”
Wait, you didn’t add 2 inches? Maybe I’m projecting. The point is, we all have our own warning signs that things have gotten out of whack. Exercise was a big one for me: The gym is just an elevator ride away, Central Park jogging paths are right outside my door, and I still managed to pack on the pounds. I have skinny genes, but I can’t get into my skinny jeans. Clearly it’s time to re-calibrate.
When you’re the boss, there’s no one to shut off the lights, remind you to take lunch, or urge you to enroll in the office wellness program. Instead, you find yourself pushing harder, taking on new projects and working longer hours until …
Until what, exactly? How do you know that business has taken over your life and it’s time to get back into balance?
I put that question to some of my favorite bloggers and business thinkers. Maybe you’ll recognize yourself in some of their responses.
You know it’s time to re-balance when …
- The only question your friends ever ask you is, “How’s work?” (Amy Tobin, Ariel Marketing Group)
- You show up on time for a family dinner, and everyone wonders what’s wrong (Tim Berry, Bplans/Palo Alto Software)
- You’ve been dying to see the premier of a new movie, and you suddenly realize it’s already playing on HBO (Rieva Lesonsky, Small Biz Daily)
- You forget to kiss your wife goodnight, but you’d never sign off Twitter without saying goodbye to your tweeps (Mark Babbitt, YouTern)
- You can’t remember the ages of your own grandchildren (Annette Penney, Inspire & Acquire)
- Your spouse asks “Are you all right?” more than 2 times in any given day (Rick Manelius, RickManelius.com)
- You would lose your entire sense of identity if your work were taken away from you (Christian Hollingsworth, Smart Boy Designs)
Tim Berry adds another point that’s worth mentioning: “When you pretend you’ll make it up to your family later, after the business is successful, then it’s time to re-balance.”
That flies in the face of many so-called “experts,” who insist that entrepreneurs owe 100% of their attention to the business in its early days. “Make the sacrifice now,” they argue, “and you’ll have more control of your time later on.”
In reality, it rarely works that way. Priorities become habits, and habits are notoriously hard to break. If we can’t make time now for the things that really matter, chances are we’ll never get around to it.
With that, I think I’m going to turn down a lucrative white paper job that was offered to me yesterday. I have friends I need to re-connect with. I don’t want to resort to a dog-walker. And it’s not like the gym is going to come to me.
What about you? What are your personal warning signs that work has taken over your life? Please join the conversation below.
{Photo credit: CraftyGoat via flickr CC}
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WOW – FANTASTIC post and you’re completely on track about the habit forming of workaholism. I was speaking to a friend about this very thing:
I FEEL LIKE I’VE LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THE FUTURE.
As a child, that was self defense because it HAD to get better. Throughout college it was the necessary attitude – sacrifice now and success will come. And it did, and STILL I thought I needed ‘more success.’ And it will continue like this until we all stop doing it to ourselves.
I had my daughter and she saved my life; there was a living creature there dependent upon me that was unquestionably more important than work. So now I am at my desk at 6am…. I put her on the bus at 7:15am. I work my tail off all day. When I pick her up at 5 I rarely go to my desk, and I run every day as a gift to myself.
I’m still not ‘balanced,’ but I’m fighting for balance and will continue until I get it.
Thanks for the feedback, Amy. You’re absolutely right that we learn young to believe that “tomorrow” will be a better day. (Cue the “Annie” soundtrack.) I’m all for delayed gratification in many cases, but the fact is, life is happening all around us while we’re busy working for tomorrow.
Love your comments about your daughter and the sanity that she’s brought to your life. She’s lucky to have a mom who’s as bent on nurturing as she is on providing.
And of course, this whole post was inspired by your observation sometime ago that your friends always seem to ask you about work. Thank you for getting me thinking along these lines!
My struggle is in the opposite direction – I’m always thinking that if I weren’t such a slacker, if I were willing to work just a little bit harder, if I could manage my time more efficiently, things would be better. I tried getting up an hour earlier, but my bed is really comfy. I tried working later, but my family is really interesting and fun to hang out with so when they are home I end up talking to them. Maybe it’s for the best – based on all these responses, I might be better off with less money and more relaxation!
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Wait a minute, according to your “Doing It Anyway” post, you went for a RUN while suffering from hives. You hardly sound like a slacker!
At any rate, if you asked your “interesting and fun” family members, I’m sure they’d say you have your priorities just right. I think you should stop beating yourself up, and enjoy the entrepreneurial lifestyle you’ve been able to create for yourself.
Thanks for weighing in!
Yesterday my granddaughter stopped in for an unexpected visit. She stayed. That afternoon I got clarity back about what I am missing out on in life. Then I received your email Robert asking for a comment and I was like wow….. it’s THAT obvious eh? I called my daughter this morning and asked her if I could have BOTH grandchildren for a sleepover tomorrow night (this will be a first for me). I’ve got to do better than I have been. When my sister was diagnosed with advanced cancer I swore that I would “enjoy life and laugh more often.” Then I started my own business.
Thanks for involving me in this blog post Robert. It was another wake up call I desperately needed.
Wow, thanks for this comment, Annette. I loved your input about forgetting the ages of your grandchildren … but the story behind that “warning sign” makes it even more poignant.
I’ll bet that sleepover tomorrow night is going to be JUST what you need … fun for the grandkids and meaningful for you.
Make a little extra popcorn for me! I’m really glad this little blog post could play a role in your special night.
I read number four and it kinda breaks my heart to think this would happen. We can’t let work literally ruin lives. Because, it can and will happen!
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Right?? I’ve known entrepreneurs who were so obsessed with building their business relationships that they were willing to sacrifice their personal relationships.
FWIW, Mark Babbitt is NOT that kind of entrepreneur … he just makes a great point based on observation.
I wouldn’t assume him to be, but he just sure knows how to illustrate a point very well now doesn’t he!?
Christian Hollingsworth recently posted..Why Do You Blog: Part 5
Too true. I spent about 2 years chasing a new business dream at the expense of almost everything around me. Then one day I blinked and realized, what I am working so hard for?
I’ve had to really scale back my work so that I could at least see and be aware of what was going on around me instead of running 24×7.
The funny thing is, I’m more efficient now and I’m enjoying my time a lot more. It’s a myth that one has to work every waking hour. I’m still fighting the urges to dive back in full-time, which is a hard habit to break.
Great article
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Did you see the recent study that productivity actually DROPS after several weeks of 12-hour days? I’d argue that we’re doing a favor to clients — not just ourselves — when we strive for a little balance.
Still, as you say, it’s hard to fight that workaholic urge. That’s why I appreciated all the input on this blog post!
Sounds like this concern has hit nationwide this week. My contribution to your list is this: It’s time to rebalance when you view activities that are the stuff of life as selfish rather than important to balance and friendships and personal sharpening.
I’ve debated this week over whether the community band I’m in is too much about me – an activity that should go to give me more time to focus on my work. I joined in the first place to meet folks outside of my normal contacts and to make music, which for me is refreshing. I’m not a great musician; the bigger the band, the better I sound. But music does great things for me on many levels.
Thanks for your thoughts. I think I’ll post the rehearsals as a permanent, repeating event in my calendar.
Hi, Nancy, thank you for contributing to this discussion. You’re absolutely right: When you start feeling selfish for having a life, it’s probably time to re-balance.
The community band needs you, and you need the band, so it sounds to me like those rehearsals deserve a place on your calendar. Furthermore, I’m willing to bet that the creative outlet makes you MORE effective at work, as well. If so, it’s a win-win-win, and that’s good-good-good!
I just had to laugh at Rieva’s point. That’s happened to me more than once. And Tim Berry’s point is also apropos – when people start expecting you to be late, the state of your life as an entrepreneur is bad…..
- Anita
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Thanks for jumping in here, Anita. With all the many successful ventures you have going on, I don’t know how you ever find time for the “rest” of your life … or for commenting on blog posts!
I am an entrepreneur and work two jobs. I work the two jobs more than I concentrate on my business which nobody’s fault but my own. I put so much time in at my jobs that, yes about 4 of th seven comments I have heard within the past few weeks. It sucks big time and I know what I need to do to re-balance my life. I just need to make it a habit and be done with it. I waste so much tine working for others when I know my business can make all my dreams come true without burning myself out working crazy hours.
I hear you, Philip, and you make a great point: It’s even harder to find balance when your entrepreneurial gig is “on the side,” and you still have to put in a 9-to-5 elsewhere. But even now, I think it’s important to establish personal routines like working out and dinner with the family. Any successful entrepreneur who’s already made the transition will tell you that it doesn’t get any easier when you become your own boss.
Great post! I think I have always been a little bit of a workaholic…when I worked in my traditional 9-5, my bosses always loved me because I had a lot of skills that crossed over well , so I could switch hats easily, and loved being busy. Along with all the busyness of work there was always people around to tell me to stop, insist on vacations etc… The line form your post ” When you’re the boss, there’s no one to shut off the lights, remind you to take lunch, or urge you to enroll in the office wellness program. Instead, you find yourself pushing harder, taking on new projects and working longer hours until … . ” My until is I have not had a vacation in almost two years…long weekends sure but a full week off I don’t even remember how that feels ! Thanks for posting this. Things are going to change for sure!!
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